Setting Boundaries:

  • I am going to talk to you about setting boundaries with your loved ones,  friends even your boss at work.  A boundary is something you create for yourself, and it’s used to achieve life changing results.  It is not a way to control other people.  A boundary is a request you make of someone to change a certain behavior and a consequence of what you will do to self-protect, if they violate it.   We all have been in a relationship that we feel like people just walk all over you,  they don’t respect what bothers you, and since we don’t want to let anyone down or want to express what bothers us, we let them.  And how will that person know unless we tell them.
  • Healthy boundaries promote self-responsibility and empowerment, they lead to closer relationships with others because you are increasing communication as well.
  • The two steps to effectively set an emotional boundary are the request and the consequence. 
  • The request to ask someone to stop doing the thing that bothers you, literally or emotionally. 
  • The consequence is what you tell the person that you will do if they do not comply with your request.   
  • Important thing to remember about setting a boundary is they come from a place of love.  It is not about controlling or manipulating someone else’s behavior.   But be sure to tell them this is how you are taking care of yourself to protect your own feelings and emotions. 
  • Finally, boundaries are the most amazing, wonderful and yet difficult things to implement.  They are tools to bring you closer to the ones you love rather than pushing them away.  It is just another way to keep people from violating important spaces in our lives. 
  • Setting boundaries is about telling the truth to ourselves and to the people in our lives.  Also, remember that following through on our consequences 100% of the time is critical to make this tool effective in your life.  Remember that if you’re willing to have the courage to honor yourself, tell the truth, and ultimately protect yourself, you will see an increase of peace and intimacy in your life.  Who doesn’t want that?